So...how about that election? Man, oh man...that was...it was tiresome. It was tiresome for pretty much everyone in the United States and of course, the world during the past few days to decide if Trump gets four more years or Biden evicts the fucker to the unemployment line and by the time the review gets posted, we would still not have a winner due to lawsuit after lawsuit and a certain someone who is pretty much not has the word “losing” in his vocabulary. It’s going to be a freaking long transition from now to January of next year but at least it’s not like with what happened back in 2016...and we just found out that Joe Biden has won the 2020 election. Holy fuck, we got him! We got the fucking bastard! Happy days! Happy days everyone! Holy fuck, it fucking happened! Well...that’s that. The national nightmare is over with! Oh, and Bob’s Burgers fans...just putting it out there...
You’re on the ballot for December. Final Round. Y’all now have to carry a certain someone from the show to reach the finish line. A dynasty could happen come December. But you’re up against a very tough opponent in Blue Exorcist for a chance to start a dynasty and getting star number two. So uh...ballgame’s on y’all this time come the holiday season. Talk about election fatigue at its finest.
In this week’s episode of Bob’s Burgers, Tina is in charge of the school’s time capsule unit for each of every student for the next generation to take a peek, only for shit to ensue thanks in part to her not accepting Tammy’s version as Linda doesn’t know how to do one of the simple things known to man and woman in the form of whistling, don’t we all, in my spoilerific review of the fifth episode of Season 11, titled “Fast Time Capsules at Wagstaff School”.
After last week’s predictable, yet somewhat average episode for the Halloween season, now entering the normal portion of the year until Thanksgiving in less than a few weeks, it looks like we got ourselves a pretty good episode. Sure, the subplot was decent though feel like it was unnecessary to even be on the episode but you can relate to either Bob or Linda or even both when it comes to not knowing how to do one of the most simple techniques known to man since the beginning of time. Though the main plot, oh man, the main plot of the episode...that was something, not gonna lie there. No bullshitting on what I’m about to say. The main plot was alright. It was alright. I don’t hate it despite being some flaws. Not a lot, but tiny pieces into the storyline of the whole damn thing.
With an episode that is all about a time capsule and with Tina going overboard over Tammy having a better capsule than hers, the whole ticket fiasco pretty much overshadowed the episode in my opinion. Because that’s pretty much the spotlight of the episode. Because while Tina tries to get her way in having people to partake in the time capsule in the way she wanted, thus causing Tammy to rival her in the capsule game, we have Louise trying to get her grubby little hands to get the tickets from Henry Haber, who was planning on giving it to Susmita. Oh boy, wonder how that ended and man, Louise wasn’t even trying her hardest to hide her feelings for Boo Boo. But let’s see how this episode holds and proving my point, this is “Fast Time Capsules at Wagstaff School”.
Starting off the episode with everyone in attendance to see what’s going down in Wagstaff with a presentation by the gates with Mr. Frond showcasing what was a buried time capsule from the school grounds with Tina being the presenter and showing off what was inside the whole damn thing from eons ago. Think back to when the dinosaurs roamed around the Earth. Revealing the items inside in the form of a cootie catcher...you know, a thing wherein girls slumber parties where you have to pick a number and spell out a color of choice or some shit and let the magic happen. An old book and what appears to be a dead mole. Yeah, a dead mole inside the time capsule. I can’t tell if someone decades ago thinks it would be funny to mess with the people of the future, i.e. the present day, by putting in a random dead mole into the capsule or maybe it’s someone pet mole because he or she can’t afford an actual animal as a pet like a dog or a cat. Though if that is, even if it’s dead for decades upon decades...two things, how come the dead animal didn’t decay? What the fuck? But also, Tina...you might as well go get checked for possible rabies. Just putting it out there.
But while Tina is presenting the time capsule to the whole school, we have Louise listening in to the radio and ignoring the whole presentation in hopes to score some tickets for the upcoming Boyz4Now concert that would give her a front-row seat, mostly on hoping to see Boo Boo. But to her, it’s pretty much getting them as a joke. Yeah, sure Jan. Thinking that she’s getting tickets for the upcoming concert as a ha-ha funny joke coming from her though knowing reality, the girl is crushing hard on one of the members of the group, being Boo Boo, ever since she first developed the crush emotion since Season 3 and been going nonstop ever since. And man, I know the girl can pretty much do anything and hide anything like right now with Frond noticing Louise with a radio in her hand and lie her way to get out from getting into trouble and have it take it away but showing signs of emotions of her liking a boy is no walk at the park. Hell, she’s not even trying hiding it throughout the episode, later on in the review on who scored the last pair of tickets. I know that Tina’s the only person who knew that Louise has the hots for Boo Boo but you know that sooner or later, someone else will find out about all of that. I mean yeah, the rest of the family, I could see that. Any of their friends...I’m gonna bet on Rudy. Unless Tina slips something via Freudian slip, then...good luck sleeping tonight, Tina. You may need it.
Once the presentation is over with and everyone back to normal as usual, Louise was unable to get some tickets to the Boyz4Now concert but not all hope is lost...for now...when Frond come up to Tina and tells her to be in charge of a new time capsule for the students of the present day to put their stuff inside the box for the future generation to take a peek. Thus, having Tina to go into imagination mode flashing forward to the future with the future generation, with Tina in her elder stage, looking over the stuff that is ready to be filled in the present day with Frond, somehow living...well until he croaks at the end of the imagination, but regardless, Tina has now been given unlimited power when in the time capsule unit for the school and ready to have the new one ready to be sent into the ground.
Thus onto the cafeteria we go with Tina on the table and everyone putting in their stuff to be put into the time capsule. Starting with Peter Pescadero with his diorama of what a classroom looks like to the people of the future of what a classroom would look like in the past. Tina gives it a firm maybe, not in the line of false hope, but it’s pretty much going to be on whether or not it could be going into the tube and how it’s going to fit into the damn thing without ruining it. Besides, might as well leave the option up to the remaining states not yet called, looking at you, North Carolina, Georgia, and Alaska.
Onto Rudy next with him donating a poem into the capsule, although normally, you would put it into the damn thing like an old toy or book or something...hell, an organ would’ve been a better choice. I mean, it’s either the poem or one of his old inhalers to be sent into the box and it looks like it will be the poem that will be going into the box. Mostly like him sending a letter to the future generation from him for everyone to read. There’s also Jimmy Jr donating a piece of gum because he thinks that the future will know what gum is all about. Though I’ll doubt that there isn’t going to be gum in the future...well, if we deal with climate change first, then we’ll see about that. But leave it to Jimmy Jr for pretty much putting in random stuff for the capsule. And of course, it’s Tina who is in charge of the capsule unit, so...offer that can’t refuse. Andy and Ollie also donating their stuff...with their toenail clippings...which...why? Just...why? Well coming from them, they think that in the future, we would achieve cloning capabilities, and having toenail clippings as their DNA would have a version of those two. Which...sounds pretty impossible because that seems in the line of sci-fi, but you remember, oh yeah, we cloned a sheep. But cloning humans...yeah, think it’s unlikely unless you...I don’t know...in the CIA? But that’s a probable guess to come up with. But yeah, Andy and Ollie donating their toenail clippings into the capsule.
Thus, leading to Tammy and Jocelyn with Tammy donating her lip balm into the capsule that is ready to be buried to the ground, but...Tina won’t let that happen because according to her, lip balm is not relevant. Which of course, pissed Tammy off over her object to donate to the capsule not going in. Mad all the way to the lunch counter when talking to Jocelyn, Zeke, and Jimmy Jr over Tina setting up what she thinks are harsh requirements to get any object into the capsule. I mean, the girl saw what the future kids would see with the whole capsule peek and wanted to make things perfect but according to Tammy and the others, that doesn’t seem to be the case. Frond just gave her unlimited power, so that’s pretty much saying that he may have given control of the time capsule to what appears to be a power-hungry monster who has no skills of being a leader. A manager at least, but a manager who was just promoted, but has no managerial skills and only got the promotion because that person is the only person working at the shop. That describes Tina in charge of the time capsule in a nutshell.
While Tina continues to disappoint the masses with her strict requirements like getting presents at a bratty teen’s upcoming 16th birthday party, Louise tries to score some tickets once more with the radio on the table and on the line to be the lucky person to score the tickets and sadly, it’s the last pair, meaning that it’s all or nothing for Louise to get it and it looks like she did not get it. The contest is already over with and Louise will not be going to the concert. And to make things more unusual but worse for Louise, it’s coming from the someone that she would least expect.
Coming in the form of Henry Haber, who scored the last pair of tickets and pretty much dashed Louise’s hopes and dreams. Louise questions Henry if he likes the band as a whole, but reveals that he doesn’t know jack shit about the band and reveals that he only won the tickets for Susmita to give because, to no avail, a fan of the band with her favorite member being Griffin. So few things to clear things up with all of this. First off, it’s pretty much official, Henry and Susmita are practically dating since Season 9. Because unless you don’t remember in “UFO No You Didn’t”, Susmita’s first official episode, she told Tina, while waiting for extraterrestrial signals, that she had a crush on a certain boy but unable to confess her feelings, causing Tina to at least help the girl out...later on in that episode when telling everyone that we can’t waste our time while what time our planet has left. That, thanks to Tina’s little speech during the science fair, have Susmita to gain the confidence to confess the boy she likes. That boy reveals to be Henry Haber, which surprises Tina but not everyone who watched the episode.
Which leads to the second item on the list, if it weren’t for Tina motivating Susmita to break out of her shell and confess her feelings for Henry Haber, those two would not have dated up to this day. And you’re probably thinking, “Oh, but Tina didn’t have a say on this. That was all Susmita because she has the hots on the guy and shows her having a stronger emotion. Tina didn’t set those two up.” And you’re partially right, Tina did not set Susmita and Henry up. But she does have an influence in the whole relationship because let’s not forget, Susmita, in that episode, had some issues in confessing her love to Henry and fearing that she could get rejected. Thus, having to ask Tina for some advice on how to confess and that speech at the end helped Susmita break out of her shell. So yeah, Tina did have an influence in the whole Henry/Susmita relationship, mostly with Susmita. And so, here we are, Henry and Susmita being a couple. You could say that they’re basically canon. That ship is now canon and you can somewhat thank Tina for helping Susmita confessing her love for Henry, of course, in morse code, in which Henry accepts the offer and thus, boom, Canon-ville, population dos. Oh and Louise is upset over the fact that Henry got the tickets and really...the chica here is not trying her best to hide her emotions of being a Boo Boo girl. You can lie about hiding a dead body, but you can’t lie about having shared emotions over someone and go all tsundere throughout the duration of the episode.
But things aren’t looking good for Tina in the time capsule game because it looks like she’s now getting some competition in the form of Tammy having her own capsule and it looks like everyone in the school who either already donated their stuff or planning on doing it now go to Tammy because unlike Tina’s capsule, which is the school’s official capsule, there are no restrictions for anyone to put their stuff into the box. And that’s one way to put it because Tina’s requirements for stuff to be put into the capsule seems rather harsh. And because of that, it kinda turned people off in the whole capsule process. That and over the most stupidest thing to probably come up with when it comes to Tammy starting her own time capsule over Tina’s...over a damn lip balm. A fucking lip balm. I know the whole bracelet issue back in Season 5 landed those two, plus Gene, Louise, Jocelyn, Jimmy Jr, and Zeke to Saturday detention, but a lip balm to start off a rival time capsule?! That’s like if World War III were to start over something dumb, not over the killing of an Iranian general, that was a stupid move for the US coming from a now soon-to-be former president who was impeached at the time, but something like your steak being uncooked and wanting to order again but can’t and thus, pissing you off and just declare fucking war.
Tina gets upset and tells Frond to have Tammy to stop the process but Frond has no power to do so and with everyone going towards Tammy’s over hers, it’s pretty much him saying let’s have two capsules even though Tammy’s capsule is gaining traction then hers. Not enough to stop her from gaining ground. Or in this case in the most topical way ever, stop the count. Hmm...sound familiar? But regardless, it’s not Tina’s day when it comes to the capsule with Tammy now having the high ground when it comes to the vault. But also Louise, who was unable to get the tickets to see her precious Boo Boo on stage after finding out that Henry was the one who scored the tickets for both him and Susmita to attend. And speaking of that...
Onto the next day, yeah...things aren’t looking good for those two that garnered Louise’s attention when Susmita got upset over Henry taking her social studies homework and corrected it, which Henry thought it would be a romantic surprise. Eh...that’s not really a romantic surprise. The tickets that you scored yesterday, that was a surprise. Giving her flowers and chocolate, that’s a romantic surprise. Sure, that is pretty much overdone throughout history, but that would’ve worked. The whole social studies homework that Henry had to correct that peeved Susmita off and putting their relationship on thin ice. First off, best girl is back! Susmita, welcome back. Kinda grown on her since her debut, which was her only episode up until this very episode. Though shame that we didn’t get the whole Tina/Susmita friendship what I wanted. Damn shame but we’ll get there...we’ll get there...man, they’re really pushing for Tina and Tammy to suck it up and just be friends, huh? So the relationship of Henry and Susmita is on thin ice, on the verge of a breakup, god forbid if that were to happen and get Tina on standby to patch things up, meaning that Henry can’t give the tickets to her. That means that Louise may have found an opening to snatch the tickets away from Henry. Though getting him to hand over the tickets...could take a while, mostly because Henry may have to go sulk about having his only true relationship on the brink of being broken in half.
Onto the hour of presentation with both Tina and Tammy holding their capsules with two holes opened up and have those capsules to be buried to the ground with Tammy having the most stuff when she said that she had some trouble closing the lid due to the excess amount of stuff that was added from the whole school. Whereas Tina, it’s pretty much empty and nothing more than just her barrettes and an IOU note. Which uh...yeah, you kinda deserve it Tina. You did create some strict and somewhat harsh rules when it comes to the process like it’s voter suppression in red states during an election. Making it hard for everyone, thinking that she wants the whole thing to be perfect. Well, it’s not and you may have handed yourself an “L” and against Tammy. Not a good look.
Just as the girls are ready to bury their respective capsules, Henry comes in at the last minute and tells everyone that he’s ready to donate something for the capsule. In the form of the Boyz4Now tickets that he was supposed to give it to Susmita but one little fuck up with a social studies homework messed that up and ready to donate the tickets into the capsule. Pretty much shocked everyone and using Titanic to create a scene. Mostly the part where a very old Rose with a heart-shaped necklace. I don’t know, haven’t seen the movie though four hours long? Depends on how long you have to control your bladder from spewing like a dam ready to be broken. Tina tries to calm Henry down, despite wanting Henry to hand the tickets over so she can put it in her capsule, and telling him that it’s not too late to patch things up with Susmita since she’s pretty much the woman behind the shadow responsible for you two crazy kids to have a relationship in the fucking first place! Louise sensed Henry’s cry that almost seems to suspicious, yeah, the way he said almost seems a bit sus in front of a crowd despite being on the verge of crying, sitting on the curve, in the rain, while “I’m All Out of Love” is playing in the background. Almost feels like I’m quoting South Park on this one. But it looks like neither Tina nor Louise will be getting the tickets cause here comes Tammy to give one last fuck you to the Belcher sisters, taking the tickets from Henry’s hands, and put into the capsule, and enter the ground it goes.
Pissing both Louise and Tina later on back in the Belcher household over at Tina’s room with Tammy having a winning capsule while making Tina looking like an ass while Louise is peeved over the fact that the tickets, her only shining moment of her taking a ride to the concert in the palms of Henry’s hands, now deep underground and won’t be open until a few decades. But it looks like that won’t be the case when the two girls decided to work together for once and get back at Tammy, and by that, I mean getting the tickets back above ground. Grave robbing has nothing on time capsule robbing. For Louise, to get the tickets so she can head over to the concert. And for Tina, hopefully, to get the tickets and put it into her own capsule. Though two different goals for the two sisters, they have one goal, and that is to get the tickets from Tammy’s vault. And of course, having Gene to come into the picture because he’s mostly in the background throughout the episode. Ha-ha...good god Alex, you need to get your freaking ass back here. I don’t care if you’re the nominee, you better come the fuck back here.
Onto the next day at the school grounds with Tina and Louise, mostly Tina, digging a hole into the ground where Tammy’s capsule is buried while Gene is distracting the masses incoming to cover what they’re doing. Though that was inside the school grounds and not noticing this little thing called the gates where anyone can walk through and see what they’re doing. Tina asks Louise how come she’s not doing the work, to which Louise replies that...well...tiny arms. She can come up with a perfect excuse to supervise the whole plan but having trouble trying to hide her emotions over a certain member of a boy band that is pretty much going to be outmatched by certain K-pop groups. K-pop stans, even though y’all are scary motherfuckers on the internet, we never thanked you when you trolled Trump over in Tulsa back in the summer.
Finally gotten the tickets, Louise enters the office with Selbo on the desk and talks to her as a distraction to make copies of the tickets, making them counterfeits via copy machine while she still talking. Legend has it that Selbo keeps on talking to this day and keeps on talking from breakfast, lunch, and dinner and even talks in her sleep. She’s pretty much what the equivalent of what your parents’ Facebook account would look like minus the bots and fallen into misinformation. Oh, I’m so gonna get canceled. But other than that, Louise made the counterfeit tickets and placing it into the capsules, replacing the originals, and putting the capsule back into the hole...
Only to get caught by both Tammy and Jocelyn, who is also carrying a shovel and also wanting the tickets that were originally meant for Susmita. Normally, when it comes to Tammy wanting the tickets firsthand, she would’ve just taken it and put it into her pockets. But with the whole population of the school in attendance, she is somewhat wise that she put it in the capsule and wait for the coast is clear to dig the hole up, take the tickets, and head out despite that they didn’t even have a plan to create some counterfeit versions of their own to replace the original like what the Belcher kids have come up with. I mean, what was their backup plan? A couple of IOUs? The Trump administration make a better job of coming up with shit plans.
Tammy and Jocelyn want Tina, Gene, and Louise to hand over the tickets but rather than just cause a scene, Louise just gives up the tickets without any hesitation whatsoever and just wave the white flag altogether and handing over the tickets to get them out of their sights...is what Louise would say because the tickets that she gave it away to Tammy and Jocelyn, those are the fake ones. Louise held on to the real ones. Tammy and Jocelyn may have won the battle but according to the Belcher sisters, they may have lost the war (for now) and Tina decided to put the tickets to put it into her own time capsule but Louise wants the tickets to herself so she can head over to the concert before the sun sets down. Thus having the two girls fighting over the tickets with Gene, still in the background, trying to tell them to not fight. Mostly because there’s only one pair of tickets and ripping it in two wouldn’t make things up between those two. Of course, the fight did not last long and decided to compromise and agree to go together since there are two tickets, one for each person. And decided to head off to the concert...except Gene because of background status. Don’t worry, you’ll be getting an episode soon...maybe in less than two weeks.
Thus switching over to the concert hall with everyone getting into the stadium with Tammy and Jocelyn getting their comeuppance with the fake tickets that Louise created and unable to get in. Meaning that Tina and Louise get their way to see Boyz4Now in action and for Louise to see Boo Boo on stage...is what I would say if it weren’t for the fact...surprise, surprise, the tickets that Louise and Tina got, thinking that they’re the actual tickets to that show that Henry gave up earlier in the episode...it was all a fake. Nothing more than a...
Genjutsu! Bleh. You thought that Louise and Tina would get the easy way out after pwning both Tammy and Jocelyn over the whole ticket fiasco when getting it out from the vault? Well, you thought wrong, you goddamn son of a bitch! They got duped. If you think that there was a mishap during the whole plan with Louise making copies of the tickets, apparently, that’s not the case. Meaning that the only person, rather, persons, responsible for the whole mix-up goes to none other than...
Henry Haber and Susmita. Which appears to be together and patched things up between them. So Henry and Susmita decided to play the fuck you game on Tina and Louise like what they did to Tammy and Jocelyn when it comes to the tickets. It’s like he knew. He knew that the tickets are on anyone’s mind, mostly on Louise, who’s been going after the tickets for the past few days. Patch things up with Susmita, who heard about the whole Titanic scene, which she thinks that it’s impulsive but also romantic. Well, more of melodramatic coming from someone who’s in his serious first relationship. Not counting that time Henry and Tina were a thing back in Season 7, that one doesn’t count. But yeah, Henry and Susmita patched things up, no need for having Tina to patch things up, looking at you, Susmita. And also having her to pull the heist of the year.
Pretty much telling her after patching things up that his gift of the tickets that were meant for her as a romantic surprise is a target for Louise, Tina, and maybe Tammy and Jocelyn to get their hands on. Causing them to create fake ones like what Louise did earlier in the episode and replace the real ones with the fake ones that Louise is now carrying without damaging the capsule. Thinking that it’s a victimless crime, though it’s pretty much is coming from Louise. Though would’ve it been hilarious, and I know, it’s a shame that we didn’t get it in this episode and was hoping to get it in the form that Tina and Susmita friendship, if Susmita finds out about Louise’s little crush on Boo Boo and coming from the horse’s mouth, being Tina, via Freudian slip and decided not to blab it out if those two want to live to see another day. That would’ve been something.
But Tina and Louise got fucking owned by Henry and Susmita. And this is coming from the guy who tipped the scales in the school election, down in the polls, making each candidate running, being Louise, Millie, and Jimmy Jr, looking like total fools and drop like flies one after one to make him the last candidate standing. Got owned by someone who is pretty much the equivalent of a bologna sandwich. Like...if you think about it, with the whole tickets fiasco that overshadowing the whole capsule thing, Henry, and later Susmita, is seen here playing chess while Louise, Tina, Tammy, and Jocelyn are out there playing motherfucking checkers. Guess that’s how the saying goes from the late Kobe Bryant. You two get an outstanding ovation for pulling things off together. Man, oh man, you two really deserve each other. You can thank Tina for her influence. But also blame Tina now because she may have now created a two-headed monster. With that, Louise will not be going to the concert. This is pretty much her reaction...
Reaction/Thoughts:
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